Do you feel like aspects of your life are being chosen for you? I used to. I felt I had little choice in the choices I made if I was to be a “good” person. Don’t get me wrong, my life wasn’t bad, I had a college degree, I was working a good job, I had a family and a house to come home to, so what did I have to complain about. On paper I was living the dream….
Inside it didn’t feel that way. Something deep inside me knew I was missing something, that I was hiding, but I didn’t know what it was of from what. It was deeply troubling, and I felt unsettled. I tried to keep it to myself hoping it would go away. It didn’t.
Last year I choose to flip the script, change my pattern and shake up my life. See where I was making choices from fear instead of from my power, from a loving peaceful state.
It took practice. It still takes practice, but it’s become clearer to me where I was letting my fears control me. This year, I am being asked to take this to my core level. The base of me where my deepest darkest fears have been hiding and controlling my decisions. The voice that asks me:
Are you really capable?
Who do you think you are? What do you know?
This is irresponsible!
You are being selfish!
You might die! Your baby might die!
You are a bad person you got it all wrong.
How many of you have heard this voice too? These voices kept me from fully trusting myself, kept me hiding, doubting what I wanted to create so it wasn’t being created at all. It kept me waiting, for almost 20 years trying to be good enough so the voices would go away! But they didn’t, the voices only got bigger until I realized I needed to stop listening to them. I could have spent those years living instead of in the in-between zombie state between live and death wondering what was the point. I wasn’t dead, but I wasn’t alive either and I wasn’t sure which one was worse. Maybe that is why there has been an increase in creation of zombie apocalyptic movies, because there is something in our collective unconscious that is stuck in this space, keeping us small and hungry for more.
Until I was brave enough to look at what I was afraid of, it controlled me. In ways that were easily seen, but ignored because it was uncomfortable, and also in hindsight ways I didn’t even realize. Once I allowed myself to feel the discomfort, the pain, frustration, anger, sadness, shame, something amazing happened. The situations that were bringing up these feeling shifted and seemed to transform overnight. Things I thought would never resolve themselves, suddenly got resolved.
My relationship with my husband, even though we knew we loved each other, we both felt deeply misunderstood. I didn’t know how to bring us closer. When I shook things up last year my husband really didn’t understand, I barley did. I was afraid it was going to increase the gap and become unrepairable, that is not what I wanted, but I knew the old way of trying to get closer clearly wasn’t working. June 2019, I was afraid we were heading for divorce. In June 2020 we are expecting our second son because I didn’t let the fear stop me, because I was willing to be vulnerable, because I was willing to find a new way forward.
Where are you still holding back? Where are you letting fear run your life. Now is the time we get as a humanity to shift this pattern. To create something new. To find a new path forward. Are you willing to look? Are you willing to make the uncomfortable choices that you know are right for you? Now is the time to take you power back and make choices for your life from a loving peaceful place.
Recently, I did a live video on the recent choices I am making about delivering my second child. Pregnancy is beautiful in that the process itself shakes things up. Nothing is certain, nothing is knowable, yet you find a way forward. How? By tapping into your instincts, who you really are, what you believe, what you want to create and more forward with the creative process. Yes it can be messy, but what you get in the end is amazing! Watch this live below where I talk about how I am doing just this in preparing for the arrival of my baby boy!
Now is the time to make powerful choices for your life. You are the only one who can make the life you want a reality, but you have to choose it!
Want To Go Deeper?
Now is the time to go deeper into what you truly want, but I get that a lot of fear can be showing up for you. Do you want a clear technique that you can use to discern between a fearful and powerful choice? Book a free call with me and we can create a plan! You are not alone. I want to support you! Book your FREE session below.
